The trouble with No. 1

Review of Shaadi No. 1, Dir: David Dhawan, Starring: Sanjay Dutt, Fardeen Khan, Zaved, Eisha

I really donno why I am even writing a review for this god-damn movie. Somehow, i hate the idea of being associated in anyway with the fucking movie. But again, it was too much holding it for long. I needed to get out the steam before it blew me nuts. It all happened last friday, when I cajoled my frnd into the movie. I had no face to show him after the movie. He would never forgive me and I would never forget Dhawan's betrayal!!

Shaadi no. 1 is an insult to intelligence. Any man in his senses would find it absurd. Its not the cheap jokes or sleaze that i feel bad about, but its the way the movie is made, as if audience has some degenerative brain disease that would make them lap up anything being shown. The worst thing and most shocking to my conscience is the way the movie has become a hit!! (as pronounced in many quarters) It defies logic.

To start with the movie is no way realistic. One doesn't understand how people even relate to such characters who try to commit suicide, apparently seem to be jobless, yet manage to live in designer bungalows, wear fancy dresses and ride high-power bikes. It all just doesn't fit. & then these 3 characters (Fardeen, Zahed & donno the third chap's name - & i now don't even care) fail to get their act (commiting suicide!) straight. What's shown are PJs - poor jokes. (Can u imagine..one tries to die by swallowing rat poison, & he wudn't die because the rat poison is expired. what kinda fucking joke is that!! its so stupid. & then they all try to die by sleeping on the rail tracks..and the train passes thro' the next track. Now come on, how many times have we seen this happen!! its a cliche` so much overdone, one knew it coming long before one heard the word 'suicide' being uttered. It was god damn unbearable & add to it the horrible acting of the three-some! it becomes nothing short of disgusting.)

Now comes Satish Shah..one more chap trying to commit suicide but rescued by the bunch. His three silly problems (really absurd they are. like his 'hair oil' brand is a flop as it removes hair & blah blah) forcing him to try suicide. Our heroes with their bright IQs solve the matter (market the hair oil as hair remover!! I am sure they don't teach these marketing strategies in IIMs) & they get jobs in Shah's office.
Now, its time for masala & more PJs. David dhawan has 3 cute ladies with least of moral scruples to help him in his make-masses-happy scenes. As one is bombarded with the worst jokes & dance numbers ( actually, one also gets to see angrezi sleaze..the latest mania in bollywood)

& then..Satish Shah has yet another 3 problems. Guess what!! his three daughters. Their living abroad has made their moral index hit the bottom & are now so horny! (..as one gets to see as the movie progresses. I mean, come on, living abroad ain't the same as lack of any fidelity and senses. His three daughters are more than happy to start smooching the first lad they come across and rescues them from trouble. How I wish I find some of these specimen in Delhi!!) & guess what !! we see Satish Shah deriving vicarious pleasures seeing his daughters' sex-acts with our three amigos..who by the way are sent abroad by our very own Satish Shah to make his daughters fall in love. This way he plans to make his i-want-love-marriage girlies hate love & thus make them tow his line & make them marry the lads he chooses. Bright chap our Satish Shah is!!

So what follows is same masala and sleaze in videshi locations. Man..its such a fun, watching these numbers. I mean, the on-lookers, poor chaps are so confused with our fellas' rock-n-roll as if half drunk in the main roads & restaurants abroad. One happens to find the dumbstruck faces of the crowd more amusing than the routine dances. I would go to the extent of calling it the best part of the movie.

After getting bored abroad, we are now transferred to Indian resorts for more masala & sleaze. By the way Sanjay Dutt is also introduced by now. Poor fella, must have obliged to this muvie 'coz of Dhawan saab, who makes a fool out of our sanjay babu. Anyway, after all the forgettable script & scenes, Sanjay Dutt is the only one who comes unscraped. Sanjay dutt acts bhayya to wives of our heros, and trying to help them realise the infidelity of our heros, who have now resolved to marry Satish Shaw's daughters.

Few more PJs follow. The dialogue is verbose, non-spontaneous. Comedy flat. By now one is dying to get the hell out of the theatre. Finally one is blessed, as the infidelity of our heros is exposed and our heros realise their mistakes, not before they break their limbs.

One feels outraged, & betrayed of one's money after coming out of theatre. How dare David Dhawan makes such a stupid & farcical movie & has the guts to wish us a happy diwali&Eid. When there are so many brilliant and fascinating things to show, when one has a chance to cast magic, all Dhawanji does is make cobwebs!! I say, its such a waste...of both the producer's and the viewer's money & time. Why can't one make more stimulating movies..different genres. & fresh & subtle comedy. why the hell do our viewers patronise such flicks?? Its all absurd.

Anyway, when one comes out of the hall, one is reminded of the famous pronouncement of Calvin's dad in Calvin&Hobbes. It goes something like this, "The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse." So if u really feel bad abt ur work & life, then certainly go and watch the flick. I am sure u will be a lot more happy man after 3 hours. Otherwise, simply forget it. Shaadi no.1 is a nightmare. Believe me. I am still having nightmares. Maybe writing this blog will help.